And Suddenly All is Right with the World

I went to the doctor yesterday for my first prenatal visit. I was nervous and giddy and made my husband go along with me. What I didn't want to admit to him was that I wanted him there in case there was bad news. I knew that I would need his support and strength if something was wrong.

Leading up to the visit, I imagined all the things that could be wrong. I'd had a mild case of the flu over the weekend and worried that it had harmed the baby. I worried about my early pregnancy test results - that the very faint lines indicated that there wasn't really a baby there and it was all screwy hormones playing evil tricks with my mind and emotions.

My worries also ran along the other end of the spectrum. I'd taken fertility drugs to get pregnant and twins run in my family. What if I were carrying triplets? Or more? Where would we put them all? How on Earth would we be able to take care of feedings, diaperings, bathings, for so many babies at once?!

And then I was in the exam room and the doc was doing an ultrasound to check as see if it's twins (or more). The fuzzy grey and white images revealed just one little blob. But oh! - miracle of miracles - the images showed a faint little flicker in the center of the itty bitty larva. The baby's heartbeat.

The realist in me knows that there is a long time between now and my September 30th due date. The realist in me knows that things could go wrong between now and then. But seeing the little flicker... knowing that there is a teeny tiny new life in the works... has made all the worries and fears burn away like fog before the sun.



We'll see if I still like that analogy when I'm going through my third trimester in August.