Legacy

"Every one of us - every man, woman, and child - leaves behind a legacy."

The words of a friend from a sombre, late-night discussion long ago have stayed with me through the years. I have often thought about them and thought about what legacy I would like to leave. And so, I do all I can (sometimes failing miserably) to act in such a way that my legacy will be one of love - that my daughter know how indescribably precious she is to me, that my husband know how much I admire him and appreciate all he has sacrificed for my sake, that my friends know that they are loved and valued. I've spent so much time thinking about the legacy I will leave, but it is only recently that I've started to think of the legacy that has been left to me.

A necklace of crystal beads lay in a small jewelry box atop my dresser. I'd always known it was a family heirloom from the time I first admired it in my mother's jewelry box when I was a little girl. It seemed the perfect thing to wear on my wedding day to fulfill the requirement of "something old". But it is just recently that I've realized it's significance. 100 years ago higher education - especially for women - was uncommon. The crystal necklace was a gift to my great-grandmother from her parents to mark her college graduation in 1910.

This past fall my family gathered to celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday. Looking at her, she seems a typical elderly woman - active in her church, loves children and cats, insists on making sure all family dinners are done properly. At 80, she naturally doesn't seem a very strong person - but there is a strength of character that just floors me at times. As a young woman towards the end of World War II, she endured the humiliation of her husband leaving her for another woman. To support herself - and her baby - she took a job painting airplanes for the war until she could no longer hide her pregnancy. Throughout her life she has been steadfast as a rock, doing what must be done for the good of her family. She has experienced love, loss and illness. She has learned to overcome deep-seeded prejudice to show love and compassion to all around her.

On the other side of my family my paternal grandmother has had a much different life but displays the same strength of character. A beautiful, educated woman from an upper-class family, she married a career soldier and began a life of praying and waiting for his return from war, only to begin a life of moving from Army base to Army base. Mother to six children, she has known the heartbreaking grief of watching a daughter die to leukemia, seeing a teenage son paralyzed in a surfing accident, and watching their oldest son (my father) lay in a hospital bed on life support. She is graceful and intelligent so that sitting with her you feel as if you are in the presence of royalty. And yet she still makes it seem as if you are the one honoring her with your presence. She is the type of person who makes you glad to be alive.

My mother, without even trying, knows just the right ways to annoy me. I guess that makes us even since I can be just as annoying to her. Like any mother-daughter relationship, we have our fair share of friction. But there is no love so unconditional as her love. As a child I knew without doubt that she would always love me. She had made it clear that nothing I could do would make her stop loving me. As an adult she has been there for me - willing to walk through fire for me if I asked her, but restraining herself to let me learn how to do so on my own. She has rejoiced with me at my wedding and grieved with me when I lost twins to a miscarriage. When my daughter was born a month early and with breathing problems and had to be transfered to intensive care, Mom was the one making midnight trips to the hospital to bring my husband and I clothes and toiletries. She recently went through the hardest time of her life - battling a particularly aggressive form of breast cancer with a very low survival rate. And yet through the chemotherapy and surgeries she remained strong and happy. At times she would get down, but then quickly realized just how many people she had to love and support her. She is so determined to be strong, get healthy, and enjoy life - I wonder if she realizes just what an inspiration she is to everyone around her?

There comes times when the stresses of life pile up and there seems to be no end in sight that I get tired of living. Oh, I wouldn't do anything stupid - I don't want to die and I don't get depressed - I just get weary. I get self-focused and pity myself for life not being fair to me. And then I think of the women who have paved the way for me - of all they have endured and experienced - and the joy they still have at being alive and surrounded by those they love. Their legacies set the pace and shine a light towards the goal: to enjoy the life I have today.